How I stopped sabotaging myself
Thank you for this brave piece. Much of what you said feels familiar to my story as well. We speak of higher and lower vibrations, but I do wonder about the sound of a vibration BECOMING higher, or BECOMING lower....ie the rate of change of a vibration. Seems yours is 'trending up'? trending wider?. I think this state is what we recognize as positivity, mentally, a lack of negativity, a lack of suffering occuring. Of course, up is not definitively good and down is not definitavely bad, and things happen in 3 or more dimensions, seldom just one.
Your honesty is a gift to your readers. Thank you for that. I also believe dysfunctional coping mechanism come from childhood trauma so they are not our fault. We coped the best we could from an age that we shouldn’t have had to. An age when we should have been cared for. Nonetheless, now we have to save ourselves again and educating ourselves & recognizing our patterns are essential. I’m not political but I love all your writing about personal things & paganism. I’m very happy you have found your way. You are a talented writer, a very likable person, and deserve all the love and success that you have grown into.
Terrific piece. I love the core insight connecting political beliefs and coping mechanisms. I'm working on a piece on a similar theme and will definitely cite this one.
Yes. This is what I’m writing about for my next essay. The spell of victimhood is the enchantment that needs to be broken right now.
This reflection you have shared is beautiful and empowered. 🙏💗
It sems to me like the Woke cut off their nose to spite their face. They refuse to take the small steps that could make them a lot happier because the big choices are off the table. I'm glad that I never fell into that trap, yet I fell into the one next to it: not accepting that the big choices were always off the table and punishing myself for not being able to change my life meaningfully from what society offers an autistic woman. The question of self-sabotage is far more complex for women than for men. Is it self-sabotage to pursue a career which exhausts you and makes family life hard? Or is it self-sabotage to stay at home with kids and be dependent on a man? I personally like some of the stuff FDS puts out in this vein. While they can be excruciatingly misandrist they are the only group I am aware of that is encouraging people (women in their case) to make positive changes in their lives without sugar-coating the challenges. I hope more such groups develop. No offense intended to you, Rhyd, but I've seen way too many men turn their lives around on a dime while I worked my tail off for opportunities they were handed to take males any to seriously when it comes to changing my life to reflect what I want. I agree that all too much of the left abdicates agency to change their lives but on the other hand I personally know how excrucriatingly painful it can be to work for crumbs of agency and be told it's "victim mentality" to admit that you got dealt a shit hand and are playing it the best you can. And to be clear, I don't think getting dealt a shit hand is a reason to not play it for the best you can. But it is a reason to be realistic.
Such a good personal example of why this ideology actually LACKS compassion, in any profound sense, for victims of abuse or oppression, as it's invested politically in keeping them in that identity. Very effectively conveyed.
Amazing Bold Brutal - Love this - Again….
Wonderful work. As I untangle the false belief systems from my early years, I understand more deeply the behavior of myself and others as we seek culturally sanctioned outlets for the unexpressed rage, terror, anxiety, hopelessness, and grief which we have accumulated in this life and that which has carried over from past generations. So much healing is needed in this world now and it starts within. Blessings!
I appreciate your honesty so much. Isn’t it crazy that so many of us participate in our own suffering but also cling to it tightly and claim it as virtue? I am reminded that I have heard myself say many times “thank god i haven’t had to earn all the blessings that I have received.” I have literally taken pride in devaluing the role of my own agency in my own life.
Just a quick note on ressentment. You define that term in your essay "as a psychological turn in which we try to compensate or cope with a feeling of injustice." I would argue that this psychological state consists primarily of feelings of envy and hatred which seems to have a link to our particular structure of social stratification where the subject of envy believes that his or her object of envy are, in fact equal, but that such hypothetical equality cannot ever be achieved thus causing the envy and hatred of the other.
Today we all appear to exist in a highly ressentment-- prone environment and as you note this applies to both white nationalists and woke liberals and potentially all of us, at least to some
It hurt to read that. To write, and to live it - I don't have the words.
The mirror is what the trickster holds up to us. He tells us the truth we don't want to acknowledge so we call him a liar.
The courage required to look, to keep looking and accept what's there is rare. But we're not real until we do.
Thank you for your words.
resentment kills all desire. This sentiment is often echoed in the group of folks i meet up with once a month, specifically to work on how to better be in relationship. Work that cannot fully be realized alone hence the group.
At some point we have to practice asking for our needs to be met even when we are full of shame, guilt and despair and that we need to be witnessed in that. Our group is a way to do that it a place that is filled with support.
Foundational to our work is the focus on Eros, and how without it relationships are hard to nurture. You need some amount of interest to maintain a connection and yet many of us know that often we don’t have the capacity to be interested. Or generous. Or curious.
Trauma does that.
Trauma eats away curiosity, generosity and interest. Trauma feeds resentment which In turn kills all desire.
We all have to find our own way into Eros and Rhyd I am thankful and grateful that you have.
I recently wrote a piece that required much editing-out of anger and rhetoric. My sadness remains. My goal is a discussion that leaves aside tribal politics, and juxtaposes the pre-WW2 Warsaw Ghetto “quarantine” with the Good German situation in the western world right now. Thank you for your honesty, introspection, and inspiration in this piece, a quote from which I included: