Processing trauma certainly resonates as a more accurate description. I've had three thus far - at 20, 45 and this year, at 55. Triggered by abandonment the first two times, and triggered by friggin everything this time. Still the trauma lingers and my nervous system can't tell the difference between old and new threat. I had signed up for all the bonus videos attached to Gabor Mate's film The Wisdom of Trauma and revisited some last night. He talked about Mark Epstein's book, The Trauma of Everyday Life. In it, Epstein does an analysis of the life of Siddhartha Gautama, the Buddha and describes his journey as an expression of primitive agony based in early childhood trauma. Buddha's mother died when he was a week old. Perhaps when he was sitting under the Bodhi tree, he was leaning into his trauma and figured out how to resource it for the good of all of us, including himself. It helps me to look at my trauma this way. What's been happening for me lately felt like a breakdown at first. I felt mentally ill and couldn't see a way out of the forest. Yet something has been dissolving and providing space for more insight, more growth. Yes, it feels awful at times, but getting lost is also on the spectrum of finding our way. Much love.
I’m looking forward to the book, and understand the dilemma of feeling stuck between the woke and the anti-woke, and that being immersed in that tense polarity can be exhausting. I’ve recently found myself culling a lot of my media input- for a while, I was looking for people to help me understand my discontent with the activist left, but it’s come to the time where the obsessive critique of the obsessive critique feels like just another jaundiced eye that discolors my perception and fosters discontent and anxiety. I’ve stuck with you and others that are “processing” wokeness, so to speak, in a more holistic and spiritually literate way.
I am sorry you are having to stare into the abyss to write your book and the abyss glared back at you. I don't know haw you do it.. at least without an astral haz-mat suit on. And all the time you could be writing or reading poetry.. To write a book, having to take in and absorb and digest the subject to be able to write effectively about it- when the subject is dégoûter -wants some mental protection like a crown of Yarrow about your head. I don't think the psychological language of 'breakdown' is very useful or usable or able to be worked by one's own will. It sounds like a mental revulsion and puking, or a buildup of a poison to threshold of tolerance- you reached your tolerance threshold for a poison and couldn't tolerate any more and being in forest air made you feel it more acutely? Though poisons do breakdown your vital organs if you can't get them out.
I think the opposite of "woke" is having an intact functioning moral compass. That responds uniquely in the moment and from the heart to all that comes before it.
A book that has stuck in my mind about going to the oldest deepest part of a forest to find something is in this very old fashioned novel called Herb of Grace ( also as Pilgrim's Inn) by the very out of fashion Elizabeth Goudge but it captures the presence of it, from the aftermath of ww2 era.
I have only discovered your writing in the past few months. It is thoughtful and insightful, and encapsulates everything that is sadly missing from mainstream media commentary.
However much I like your writing, though, you -- as a person -- are more important. Do whatever it takes to get your equilibrium back and put aside the keyboard or notebook temporarily. We will be waiting here for you when you return.
“Writing a novel is a terrible experience, during which the hair often falls out and the teeth decay. I’m always irritated by people who imply that writing fiction is an escape from reality. It is a plunge into reality and it’s very shocking to the system.”
-Flannery O’Conner
I know you are writing nonfiction, but still relatable.
Is the 'full rejection of identity politics' the opposite of 'Woke' or a third way? Can't wait to read the book!
Processing trauma certainly resonates as a more accurate description. I've had three thus far - at 20, 45 and this year, at 55. Triggered by abandonment the first two times, and triggered by friggin everything this time. Still the trauma lingers and my nervous system can't tell the difference between old and new threat. I had signed up for all the bonus videos attached to Gabor Mate's film The Wisdom of Trauma and revisited some last night. He talked about Mark Epstein's book, The Trauma of Everyday Life. In it, Epstein does an analysis of the life of Siddhartha Gautama, the Buddha and describes his journey as an expression of primitive agony based in early childhood trauma. Buddha's mother died when he was a week old. Perhaps when he was sitting under the Bodhi tree, he was leaning into his trauma and figured out how to resource it for the good of all of us, including himself. It helps me to look at my trauma this way. What's been happening for me lately felt like a breakdown at first. I felt mentally ill and couldn't see a way out of the forest. Yet something has been dissolving and providing space for more insight, more growth. Yes, it feels awful at times, but getting lost is also on the spectrum of finding our way. Much love.
My wife likes to say that as writers, we don't plan our vacations, they force themselves upon us. Be good to yourself!
I’m looking forward to the book, and understand the dilemma of feeling stuck between the woke and the anti-woke, and that being immersed in that tense polarity can be exhausting. I’ve recently found myself culling a lot of my media input- for a while, I was looking for people to help me understand my discontent with the activist left, but it’s come to the time where the obsessive critique of the obsessive critique feels like just another jaundiced eye that discolors my perception and fosters discontent and anxiety. I’ve stuck with you and others that are “processing” wokeness, so to speak, in a more holistic and spiritually literate way.
Bravo! Fucking brilliantly beautiful, man. Thank you.
I am sorry you are having to stare into the abyss to write your book and the abyss glared back at you. I don't know haw you do it.. at least without an astral haz-mat suit on. And all the time you could be writing or reading poetry.. To write a book, having to take in and absorb and digest the subject to be able to write effectively about it- when the subject is dégoûter -wants some mental protection like a crown of Yarrow about your head. I don't think the psychological language of 'breakdown' is very useful or usable or able to be worked by one's own will. It sounds like a mental revulsion and puking, or a buildup of a poison to threshold of tolerance- you reached your tolerance threshold for a poison and couldn't tolerate any more and being in forest air made you feel it more acutely? Though poisons do breakdown your vital organs if you can't get them out.
I think the opposite of "woke" is having an intact functioning moral compass. That responds uniquely in the moment and from the heart to all that comes before it.
A book that has stuck in my mind about going to the oldest deepest part of a forest to find something is in this very old fashioned novel called Herb of Grace ( also as Pilgrim's Inn) by the very out of fashion Elizabeth Goudge but it captures the presence of it, from the aftermath of ww2 era.
I have only discovered your writing in the past few months. It is thoughtful and insightful, and encapsulates everything that is sadly missing from mainstream media commentary.
However much I like your writing, though, you -- as a person -- are more important. Do whatever it takes to get your equilibrium back and put aside the keyboard or notebook temporarily. We will be waiting here for you when you return.
I am happy it is almost done and I will be able to read it. I love you
“Writing a novel is a terrible experience, during which the hair often falls out and the teeth decay. I’m always irritated by people who imply that writing fiction is an escape from reality. It is a plunge into reality and it’s very shocking to the system.”
-Flannery O’Conner
I know you are writing nonfiction, but still relatable.